Recognising Unsafe Relationships


Original article by Paul Gabrielsen, Science writer, University of Utah Communications
Edited and adapted for Utah Asia Campus by Songdo Chronicle

University campuses are melting pots where students from diverse backgrounds meet, mix and mingle. Campuses are spaces for dating, dinning, romance and love. However, not all romantic relationships, even those that start like honeymoon, end well. What therefore are vital signs that you or a loved one is in an unsafe relationship?

Warning signs

  • Rapid escalations of arguments. Constant disagreements between you and your partner over almost every thing is not a positive sign. Arguments over petty things, like where to have dinner, when to hang out, what movie to watch… is an early warning sign that danger might be ahead. Tension has no place in safe relationships!
  • A feeling of “walking on eggshells” around a partner. When you get to a point where you don’t know what you might say or do that will upset your partner; that’s dangerous. If you live in constant fear or uncertainty about not stepping on their “precious” toes; stop and think. Love, understanding and acceptance are inseparable. Healthy relationships thrive on patience, calmness and the “golden rule”- do unto others, what you want them to do to you!
  • Messages from a perpetrator that “I wouldn’t have done X if you hadn’t done Y,” implying that the victim is to blame for their partner’s abusive behavior. Those who play the blame game in a relationship either have low self esteem are insecure or out-rightly immature. If you are always blamed for everything, be warned! You are not someone’s punching bag. If this is not addressed as and when due, it leads to psychological trauma, feelings of inadequacy and low self esteem. Nobody is doing you a favour by being with you!
  • Possessive messages framed in loving terms, such as “Why do you have to go spend time with your friends and/or family? I love you more.” In safe relationships, you don’t have to choose between your partner and your loved ones (friends and families). There is enough space in your life to accommodate everyone. Excessive pressure from your partner to always be with them is not a positive sign of love but about possession. You are nobody’s trophy! Your romantic relationship should not negatively affect your relationship with friends and family members.

Find more signs of unhealthy relationships, click here.

Help is available

Abusive relationships (verbal bullying, aggressive behaviours, disrespect, physical violence…) have no place on our campus. You don’t have to tolerate psychological trauma, indecency, indignity, depression and dishonour. Seek for help.

If you see any of the above red flags in your relationship or know of anyone in an unsafe relationship, reach out to Counsellor Jane Lee (032.626.6142), schedule an appointment via, email [email protected], or stop by the Counseling Office (MCB3052). All services are strictly confidential.

A second option is to talk to the Dean of Student Affairs- Dr Randy McCrillis. You can reach him via email: [email protected] , on phone: 032-626-6006 (+82 32-626-6006) or visit his office: U804.

Read the original article here-